COPS AND GHOSTS MINGLE ON 'ALCATRAZ' AND 'LOST GIRL'

-- So there's this island where strange things happen and people who should be very old or dead show up unchanged nearly half a century later. And there's an underground lair filled with computers that may or may not be the source of the weirdness. And it stars Jorge Garcia, and it's created by J.J. Abrams. Only Garcia's character is no Hurley and "Alcatraz" (8 p.m., Fox, TV-14) is no "Lost."

Before the credits even roll, we learn that the very night Alcatraz prison was supposed to close in 1963, more than 300 inmates and guards simply vanished. Fast-forward to the present day and the residents are returning unchanged. And they're Rip Van Grumpy!

Hot on the mystery is Det. Rebecca Madsen (Sarah Jones), a fetching young policewoman. She enlists shaggy Alcatraz expert Dr. Diego Soto (Garcia) as her sidekick. He's written four books on "The Rock" and likes to play video games with teenagers. Like Hurley, he has a habit of making oddball commentary on the action, but these asides don't seem as fresh coming from a guy with so many advanced degrees. Mystery man Emerson Hauser (Sam Neill) is first seen thwarting Madsen in her search, and then recruiting her. Needless to say they all have personal connections to the penitentiary. And as on "Lost," the island itself has them in its clutches.

On "Lost," both the audience and the characters seemed joined in confusion and mystery, saying, "What the heck is going on?" at roughly the same moments. Here, the police-procedural aspect of the story sort of takes half the fun away.

-- The imported Canadian series "Lost Girl" (10 p.m., Syfy) also mixes police work with the supernatural. Poor Bo (Anna Silk) has quite a problem. She's a shapely thing and eye candy for the lads, but she keeps waking up with dead boyfriends. She just doesn't know that she's a Succubus, a powerful folk heroine capable of inhaling the life force of those near and dear.

Early on in the pilot, she uses her special power to protect Kenzi (Ksenia Solo), a waif-like pickpocket, from a violent cad who just slipped her a date rape pill. The discovery of that creep's dead body sets off alarms at the police department, but also among members of the folk-fairy demimonde known as the Fae.

After a crackling start, "Girl" gets a tad dull and contrived when Bo has to contend with the Fae and their arcane rivalries, rituals and hierarchy. It's a little like "Twilight" that way.

For the record, Saturday brought us "The Fades" and tonight we have the Fae. Just saying.

-- Stars gather for "Betty White's 90th Birthday: A Tribute to America's Golden Girl" (8 p.m., NBC, TV-PG). A preview of White's candid-camera series "Betty White's Off Their Rockers" (9:30 p.m., TV-PG) follows. Hallmark commemorates the day with an 11-hour "Golden Girls" (3 p.m.) marathon.

TONIGHT'S OTHER HIGHLIGHTS

-- First lady Michelle Obama appears on "iCarly" (7:30 p.m., Nickelodeon) to hail the service of military families and discuss their special needs.

-- "The Layover" (9 p.m., Travel, TV-PG) has a brief stay in London.

-- Shocking news about White on "Hawaii Five-O" (10 p.m., CBS, TV-14).

-- Death in the motor pool on "Castle" (10 p.m., ABC, TV-PG).

CULT CHOICE

A couple of none-too-bright gym employees (Frances McDormand and Brad Pitt) think they can outsmart the CIA in the Coen brothers' 2008 comedy "Burn After Reading" (7 p.m., Fox Movie Channel), a cooly cynical exploration of randomly thrown together strangers with conflicting perceptions and motivations.

SERIES NOTES

Suburban life on "How I Met Your Mother" (8 p.m., CBS, TV-14) ... "The Bachelor" (8 p.m., ABC, TV-PG) ... Vera Wang guest-stars on "Gossip Girl" (8 p.m., CW) ... Weird neighbors on "2 Broke Girls" (8:30 p.m., CBS, TV-14).

Grooming counts on "Two and a Half Men" (9 p.m., CBS, TV-14) ... Christmas in Bluebell on "Hart of Dixie" (9 p.m., CW, r, TV-14) ... Victoria behind bars on "Mike & Molly" (9:30 p.m., CBS, TV-14).

LATE NIGHT

Kate Beckinsale, Stephen Merchant and St. Vincent appear on "Conan" (11 p.m., TBS).

Simon Baker and Seal are booked on "Late Show With David Letterman" (11:35 p.m., CBS) ... Don Cheadle, David Cross and Boyz II Men appear on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" (midnight, ABC, r).

Liam Neeson, Piers Morgan and Chiddy Bang chat on "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon" (12:35 a.m., NBC) ... Craig Ferguson hosts Lucy Liu and Kevin Sorbo on "The Late Late Show" (12:35 a.m., CBS).

(Kevin McDonough can be reached at kevin.tvguy@gmail.com.)