'Find My Family' found inspiration elsewhere

Since there is no official patent on the emotional ambush, ABC brazenly borrows from the WE Network series "The Locator" to present "Find My Family" (9:30 p.m., ABC). Hosts Tim Green and Lisa Joyner meet with distraught parents who had given up children for adoption decades ago as well as children searching for their birth parents, or siblings separated by adoption or divorce. Old photos and tearful interviews give way to a weepy reunion in a stark landscape, under a leafless "family tree." The phrase "emotional journey" gets a real workout here. To call this heavy-handed and manipulative is to miss the point. ABC will introduce this five-hanky weep-fest right after the final round of competition on "Dancing With the Stars" (8 p.m., ABC, TV-PG). -- If ABC can borrow so shamelessly from the cable competition, it seems only natural that the History Channel would offer a "Daily Show" contributor a two-hour special. "Surviving the Holidays with Lewis Black" (8 p.m., History) features the host's jaundiced opinions on the stresses and expenses of an exhausting celebratory marathon that stretches from mid-November until Jan. 2. Along the way, Black explores the origins of holiday traditions, from eggnog toasts to the story of the real St. Nicholas. He also explains just why the Detroit Lions always get to play on Thanksgiving. Black invites fellow comedians, from Richard Belzer to Joy Behar, to share their tales of holiday anxiety. -- The parents of multiples reflect on their life together and apart on the series finale of "Jon & Kate Plus 8" (9 p.m., TLC). Is there anything left to say? TONIGHT'S OTHER HIGHLIGHTS -- An uninvited guest shakes up the Petrelli's Thanksgiving dinner on "Heroes" (8 p.m., NBC, TV-14). -- A physicist's ailment defies diagnosis on "House" (8 p.m., Fox, TV-14,V). -- Six photographers compete to land a gallery and book deal on the three-part reality series "Picture This" (8 p.m., Ovation). -- The Houston Texans host the Tennessee Titans on "Monday Night Football" (8:30 p.m., ESPN). Once upon a time, the Titans were the Houston Oilers. -- Holiday flights can be a killer on "Trauma" (9 p.m., NBC, TV-14). -- Lightman lands in a war zone on "Lie to Me" (9 p.m., Fox, TV-14,V). --"American Experience" (9 p.m., PBS, check local listings) repeats the 2003 documentary "Seabiscuit" about a champion racehorse that inspired Depression-era America. -- "The Lost JFK Tapes: The Assassination" (9 p.m., National Geographic) looks at the Dallas tragedy from new angles. -- "Bus 174" (9 p.m., Documentary) recalls a 2000 hostage crisis in Rio de Janeiro when a single gunmen took passengers at gunpoint and threatened to kill them all, a harrowing ordeal that played out on national television. -- Jellyfish may have been a murder weapon on "CSI: Miami" (10 p.m., CBS, TV-14,V). -- A murder victim has one too many mourners on "Castle" (10 p.m., ABC, TV-PG). CULT CHOICE -- Simon Baker ("The Mentalist") and Sanaa Lathan star in the 2006 romantic comedy "Something New" (8 p.m., Oxygen). SERIES NOTES Lily's father (Chris Elliott) visits on "How I Met Your Mother" (8 p.m., CBS, TV-PG) ... Nathan faces serious charges on "One Tree Hill" (8 p.m., CW, r, TV-14) ... Billie fears a rival critic on "Accidentally on Purpose" (8:30 p.m., CBS, TV-PG) ... Chelsea feels unsatisfied on "Two and a Half Men" (9 p.m., CBS, TV-14,D) ... Serena and Carter return from Europe on "Gossip Girl" (9 p.m., CW, r, TV-14) ... Sheldon's revenge plot requires revision on "Big Bang Theory" (9:30 p.m., CBS, TV-PG,D). LATE NIGHT Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Lady Gaga appear on "The Jay Leno Show" (10 p.m., NBC, TV-14) ... Eva Mendes and Craig Robinson appear on "Lopez Tonight" (11 p.m., TBS) ... Robin Williams and Ashley Greene are booked on "Late Show with David Letterman" (11:35 p.m., CBS) ... Conan O'Brien hosts Taylor Lautner, John Cleese and Timbaland with Nelly Furtado and So Shy on "The Tonight Show" (11:35 p.m., NBC) ... Andre Agassi and Weezer appear on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" (12:05 a.m., ABC) ... Craig Ferguson hosts Margaret Cho and Carl Edwards on "The Late Late Show" (12:37 a.m., CBS). Kevin McDonough can be reached at kmcdonough@unitedmedia.com Copyright 2009, United Feature Syndicate, Inc.

TV evergreens have Santa splitting heirs

Even the most forgettable Christmas movie says something about the time in which it was made. Long before the real estate bubble burst, Kelsey Grammer starred in the fascinatingly preposterous 2002 TV movie "Mr. St. Nick" (8 p.m., Saturday, Hallmark, TV-PG). He plays the spoilt heir to Santa Claus (Charles Durning) due to inherit the family business and extensive Christmas Eve obligations. But this young Claus would rather hang out in Miami Beach soaking up the sun and ogling bikini-clad women.

Like many a wayward Christmas carol, too many subplots lead this tale astray. Nick the younger falls for a gold-digging TV meteorologist (Elaine Hendrix) who bamboozles him into participating in a dot-com fraud. How early 21st century! Fortunately, he has a feisty, faithful chef (Ana Ortiz) who sees through his weather girl's fraudulent plans. As overstuffed as an unwanted fruitcake, this far-fetched Christmas movie affords Grammer plenty of chances to strut his stuff as a delusional bon-vivant, a character not all that different than his signature role on "Frasier."
Other too-early holiday movies include "Once Upon a Christmas" (8 p.m., Saturday, Family), followed by "Twice Upon a Christmas" (10 p.m.). In these two, Kathy Ireland plays Santa's daughter.

-- Meryl Streep steals the show as a no-nonsense nun at the center of writer-director John Patrick Shanley's 2008 adaptation of his stage drama "Doubt" (9 p.m., Starz), co-starring Amy Adams and Philip Seymour Hoffman.




-- Divas reign as Janet Jackson offers the opening performance of the 37th annual American Music Awards (8 p.m., Sunday, ABC), the same ceremony that will bestow a special International Artist Award on Whitney Houston, who will also perform live. Jackson's late brother, Michael, leads the list of the most-nominated, along with Eminem and Taylor Swift.

-- On the 46th anniversary of President Kennedy's assassination, Discovery offers two documentaries rehashing long-established theories and persistent questions about one school of conspiracy theory. "Did the Mob Kill JFK?" (8 p.m., Sunday, Discovery) examines claims by then jailed New Orleans mob boss Carlos Marcello that he had the president eliminated to end Attorney General Robert Kennedy's war on organized crime. The documentary also recalls links between the Kennedy family and organized crime and the CIA's use of Mafia hit men to try and kill or overthrow Cuban communist dictator Fidel Castro.

"JFK: The Ruby Connection" (9 p.m.) examines the peculiar life-and-death story of the man who shot Lee Harvey Oswald and examines stories of his alleged connections to the mob and possible prior connections to the man he would shoot on live television.

-- Viewers old enough to remember the JFK assassination are probably the target audience for "Bill Engvall: Aged and Confused" (9 p.m., Sunday, Comedy Central), a blue-collar comic's stand-up musings on the pleasures of living the empty-nest lifestyle.

-- While movie-goers flock to doomsday fantasies like the movie "2012," the end of time is coming sooner for many of earth's creatures. Jeff Corwin hosts "Future Earth: 100 Heartbeats" (8 p.m., Sunday, MSNBC) a survey of the planet's most endangered species.

-- Embroidered legends meet well-researched facts in the six-part series "Cowboys and Outlaws" (Sunday, History). Every episode compares the romantic stories of Wild West novels and Hollywood movies to the historical record. "The Real Wyatt Earp" (9 p.m., TV-PG) is followed by "The Real McCoy" (10 p.m.).


SATURDAY'S HIGHLIGHTS

-- Tyler Florence hosts "All-Star Thanksgiving Recipes" (8 p.m., Food).
-- The filmgoing world did not stand still for the 2008 update of the science-fiction classic "The Day the Earth Stood Still" (8 p.m., HBO), starring Keanu Reeves.
-- Archer awaits his fate on "Robin Hood" (9 p.m., BBC America, TV-14).
-- Scheduled on "48 Hours Mystery" (CBS, TV-14), death row diaries (9 p.m), a con woman tells all (10 p.m.).
-- Dawn French, Michael Palin and Rod Stewart are booked "The Graham Norton Show" (10 p.m., BBC America, TV-MA).
-- Joseph Gordon-Levitt hosts "Saturday Night Live" (11:30 p.m., NBC, TV-14), featuring musical guest Dave Matthews Band. This is their first appearance on "SNL" in nearly a decade.

SUNDAY'S HIGHLIGHTS

-- A stolen taxi puts one team at a disadvantage on "The Amazing Race" (8 p.m., CBS).
-- Bart meets a grown-up version of himself (Jonah Hill) on "The Simpsons" (8 p.m., Fox, TV-PG,D,L).
-- The Bears host the Eagles on "Sunday Night Football (8:15 p.m., NBC, TV-PG).
-- A teen's murder may be gang-related on "Cold Case" (9 p.m., CBS, TV-14,V).
-- Despite his scheming, Larry misses a chance to be with Cheryl on the season finale of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" (9 p.m., HBO, TV-MA).
-- Dexter plumbs the psyche of the Trinity killer on "Dexter" (9 p.m., Showtime, TV-MA).
-- "Collision" concludes on "Masterpiece Contemporary" (9 p.m., PBS, check local listings).
-- A tycoon's wife receives special treatment on "Three Rivers" (10 p.m., CBS, TV-14,V).

CULT CHOICE

As its title makes clear, the 2007 fantasy "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale" (9 p.m., Saturday, SyFy) sees fans of the Tolkien trilogy and computer games as its target audience.

SATURDAY SERIES
Jane loses his sight on "The Mentalist" (8 p.m., CBS, r, TV-14,V) ... A crisis brings Veronica closer to Mike on "Mercy" (8 p.m., NBC, r, TV-14) ... On back-to-back episodes of "Cops" (Fox, TV-14,D,L), lazy felons (8 p.m.), wedding-bell blues (8:30 p.m., r) ... A witness is silenced on "Law & Order" (9 p.m., NBC, r, TV-14) ... John Walsh hosts "America's Most Wanted" (9 p.m., Fox, TV-PG) ... Stabler's son proves distracting on "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (10 p.m., NBC, r, TV-14)

SUNDAY SERIES
Hall and Oates guest voice on "The Cleveland Show" (8:30 p.m., Fox, TV-14) ... Peter tries to replace Cleveland on "Family Guy" (9 p.m., Fox, TV-14,D,S) ... Stan wants to form a band on "American Dad" (9:30 p.m., Fox, TV-PG ,D,S).

Kevin McDonough can be reached at kmcdonough@unitedmedia.com

Copyright 2009, United Feature Syndicate, Inc.

When keeping it real means keeping it fake

Decades of Christmas specials have established a set of standards to live up to, or down to, as in the case of "Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-Palooza Christmas Luau" (9 p.m., CMT).


The first principle of the inappropriately early Christmas special is to recognize the fact that the audience has no illusions that it has not been taped months earlier on a stage in Hollywood or Nashville, far away in time and space from the holiday mood. This explains Larry's decision to place the special on the fictional island of Hula-Poola, the setting for comedy sketches and musical performances by Billy Currington and the Zac Brown Band.

The second holiday tradition observed here is the casting of celebrities from decades past, folks lodged in the "where are they now?" filing cabinet of the average viewer's brain. It's even better when those vintage performers are well known for their own Christmas and holiday specials, like crooner, comedian and Jerry Lewis telethon regular Tony Orlando. He's joined by George Lindsey, an actor best known for his role as Gomer Pyle's slower-witted cousin, Goober, on "The Andy Griffith Show," a role he reprised on "Mayberry R.F.D." and on the syndicated country music and comedy showcase "Hee Haw."

Other guests include Caroline Rhea, a veteran of both "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch" and "The Biggest Loser." According to the unwritten rules of holiday specials, I predict we'll be seeing Rhea for many Christmases to come.

-- Taking a cue from those old X-ray specs sold in the back of comic books, "Medium" (9 p.m., CBS, TV-14) presents an episode in which Allison wears glasses that allow her to see other people's visions and even determine their life expectancies. I don't expect Joe will approve of that.



-- The documentary "Damned to Heaven" (8 p.m., Documentary Channel) looks at the Arizona-based polygamous sect guided by Warren Jeffs.

-- "Shrek the Third" (8 p.m., ABC, TV-PG), the 2007 animated comedy sequel, featuring the voices of Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz, Julie Andrews, Antonio Banderas and Justin Timberlake, makes it network TV debut. Mixed reviews compared this unfavorably to the first two in this gag-rich franchise. The kindest remarks characterized it as an uninspired rehash of "more of the same."

-- After more than 1,000 entries and months of competition, "Stud Finder 2009" (9 p.m., DIY) has been found. The final five compete in head-to-head home repair challenges, and the winner emerges in this hour-long special hosted by contractor and former "Stud Finder" finalist Matt Blashaw.

TONIGHT'S OTHER HIGHLIGHTS

-- A child's spirit may be leading Aiden astray on "Ghost Whisperer" (8 p.m., CBS, TV-PG,V).

-- A shop owner's actions may have gone beyond self-defense on "Law & Order" (8 p.m., NBC, TV-14).

-- Gerard Butler, Michael McIntyre, Sarah Harding and Arctic Monkeys appear on "Friday Night With Jonathan Ross" (9 p.m., BBC America, TV-14).

-- Back on the force, Adrian pursues a serial killer on "Monk" (9 p.m., USA, TV-PG).

-- A convict may become an ally after a jewel heist on "Numb3rs" (10 p.m., CBS, TV-14).

-- Scheduled on "20/20" (10 p.m., ABC): Barbara Walters completes her interview withEJ is former Alaska governor Sarah Palin.

-- Peter and Neal prepare a sting to recover a purloined portrait on "White Collar" (10 p.m., USA, TV-PG).

CULT CHOICE TCM invites viewers to get all wrapped up with three low-budget shockers: "Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy" (2 a.m., Eastern); "Curse of the Mummy's Tomb" (3:15 a.m.); and "Mummy's Boys" (4:45 a.m.).

SERIES NOTES

A patient's pain becomes unendurable on "House" (8 p.m., Fox, r, TV-14) ... Wrestling on "Friday Night SmackDown!" (8 p.m., MyNetwork) ... Tess wants information from Lois on "Smallville" (8 p.m., CW, r, TV-14) ... Bungee jumpers make a gruesome discovery on "Bones" (9 p.m., Fox, r, TV-14,V) ... Tyra Banks hosts "America's Next Top Model" (9 p.m., CW, r, TV-14).

LATE NIGHT

Jay Mohr appears on "The Jay Leno Show" (10 p.m., NBC, TV-14) ... Viggo Mortensen, Paula Poundstone and Lyle Lovett appear on "Late Show with David Letterman" (11:35 p.m., CBS) ... Conan O'Brien hosts Eva Mendes and Bon Jovi on "The Tonight Show" (11:35 p.m., NBC) ... Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner and Death Cab for Cutie appear on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" (12:05 a.m., ABC) ... Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Elvis Costello appear on "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" (12:35 a.m., NBC) ... Craig Ferguson hosts Neil Patrick Harris and David Gray on "The Late, Late Show" (12:37 a.m., CBS).

Kevin McDonough can be reached at kmcdonough@unitedmedia.com Copyright 2009, United Feature Syndicate, Inc.

'Terror in Mumbai' difficult to watch

As chilling as any horror movie, "Terror in Mumbai" (8 p.m., HBO, TV-14) recalls a cold-blooded assault on India's largest city that left 170 dead and more than 300 wounded. Airing a week before the first anniversary of the attack, the film, narrated by editor, author, TV personality and Mumbai native Fareed Zakaria, uses closed-circuit TV footage and intercepted cell phone conversations to offer a harrowing, minute-by-minute account from the point of view of victims and terrorists.

On the night of Nov. 26, 2008, 10 Pakistani men hijacked a fishing vessel, killed its crew and arrived in Mumbai and quickly began shooting at civilians in crowded bars and hotels. While their phone calls were intercepted quickly by Indian intelligence, the reaction by the local police and security forces remained confused at best.

We hear as a Pakistan-based controller called "Uncle" exhorts the men to kill and kill again, promising them martyrdom and eternal rewards. Many of the terrorists were uneducated peasants, and some were even sold to the terror cell by greedy relatives. The sound of "Uncle"'s orders and their timid, frightened compliance is arguably the most horrifying taped evidence of mass murder since the Jonestown tragedy.

"Mumbai" is hardly an easy film to watch, but it offers a mesmerizing account of human evil as well as a warning of future terror. At one point, the terrorists describe the Mumbai carnage as a mere "trailer" for "the movie to come."

-- "Project Runway" (10 p.m., Lifetime, TV-14) completes its first season on Lifetime as Carol, Hannah, Irina and Althea go to New York to work on their collections for Fashion Week.

-- A Hollywood couple of long standing whose very names conjure up images of movies and glamour of another era, Robert Wagner and Jill St. John host "The 2009 World Magic Awards" (8 p.m., MyNetwork). This two-hour awards ceremony showcases 14 "how did they do that?" performances by today's best illusionists, escape artists and sleight-of-hand masters.

-- Specialization is the key to many business successes. "Family Armor" (10 p.m., TLC) follows an extended Texas family of devout Mormons who make a good living bullet-proofing cars and creating bomb-proof shelters that would make Agent 007 feel right at home.

-- According to legend, old school celebrity philanthropists like Frank Sinatra did their work in secret, writing checks, funding scholarships and hospital wings on the QT. Now do-gooding has become a form of publicity and branding. "Top 20 Celebs Gone Good" (8 p.m., VH1) fetes bold-faced-names known for charity work.

TONIGHT'S OTHER HIGHLIGHTS
-- Bryce searches for a woman from his vision on "FlashForward" (8 p.m., ABC, TV-14).
-- Gary Sinise narrates the last three episodes of the 10-part "WWII in HD" (8 p.m., History, TV-14).
-- David orders Michael to a corporate conclave on "The Office" (9 p.m., NBC, r, TV-14).
-- Bowling can be murder on "CSI" (9 p.m., CBS, TV-14,V).
-- A Boston body snatcher emerges on "Fringe" (9 p.m., Fox, TV-14).
-- Liz's apartment building faces big changes on "30 Rock" (9:30 p.m., NBC, TV-14)
-- A crime strikes close to home on "The Mentalist" (10 p.m., CBS, TV-14).
-- Dennis becomes a mentor of sorts on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" (10 p.m., FX, TV-MA).

CULT CHOICE

Western star Rory Calhoun appears in the 1980 no-budget horror spoof "Motel Hell" (8 p.m., IFC, TV-MA).

SERIES NOTES

Jeff Probst hosts "Survivor: Samoa" (8 p.m., CBS, TV-PG) ... Jeff schemes to reduce the homework load on "Community" (8 p.m., NBC, TV-14) ... Booth's grandpa (Ralph Waite) hangs around on "Bones" (8 p.m., Fox, TV-14) ... News of a new kid in town on "Vampire Diaries" (8 p.m., CW, TV-PG,D,L,V) ... Leslie challenges gender stereotypes on "Parks & Recreation" (8:30 p.m., NBC, TV-14) ... Miranda's disapproving dad pops in on "Grey's Anatomy" (9 p.m., ABC, TV-14) ... Sam and Dean have a message for Lucifer on "Supernatural" (9 p.m., CW, TV-14,D,L,V) ... Stephen Collins ("7th Heaven") guest stars as Addison's father on "Private Practice" (10 p.m., ABC, TV-14).

LATE NIGHT

Dakota Fanning and Jane Krakowski appear on "The Jay Leno Show" (10 p.m., NBC, TV-14) ... Jack's Mannequin is scheduled on "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" (11 p.m., Comedy Central) ... Ted Danson, Floyd Mayweather and Orianthi appear on "Lopez Tonight" (11 p.m., TBS) ... Elvis Costello appears on "The Colbert Report" (11:30 p.m., Comedy Central) ... Stephen Colbert and John Mayer are booked on "Late Show with David Letterman" (11:35 p.m., CBS) ... Conan O'Brien hosts Nicole Kidman, Anderson Cooper and Leona Lewis on "The Tonight Show" (11:35 p.m., NBC) ... Carrie Underwood, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt appear on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" (12:05 a.m., ABC) ... Taylor Lautner and Katey Sagal chat on "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" (12:35 a.m., NBC) ... Craig Ferguson hosts Sandra Bullock and Ben Foster on "The Late, Late Show" (12:37 a.m., CBS).

Kevin McDonough can be reached at kmcdonough@unitedmedia.com

Copyright 2009, United Feature Syndicate, Inc.

A teen's tall tale makes it to the small screen

Nothing says Christmas like the voice of William Shatner. OK, maybe not. The "Star Trek" star and master of late-night poetry readings narrates the holiday special "Gotta Catch Santa Claus" (7 p.m., ABC Family). The cartoon follows the efforts of 12-year-old Trevor as he and his pals try to catch Old St. Nick during his yearly rounds. Their audacious escapades are complicated by the arrival of LeFreeze, a monster with a century-old grudge against the jolly old soul.

"Gotta" is based on a 2005 comic book created by a teenager, Trevor Taylor, who serves as an executive producer on the project.

-- PBS invites viewers to spend three hours in the Himalayas, exploring the forbidding landscape and artistic and spiritual treasures in the region between Nepal and Tibet, an area only recently opened to outsiders.

"Secrets of Shangri-la" (8 p.m., PBS, check local listings) follows explorers and scientists as they climb into human-carved caves thousands of years old containing 14th-century murals and hidden cache of religious texts. "Lost Cave Temples of the Himalaya" (9 p.m.) offers new theories about the history of this mysterious region, and "Mustang: Journey of Transformation" (10 p.m.) looks at efforts to rescue and restore ancient Buddhists temples, and with them, a way of life and worship that had been on the verge of extinction. Richard Gere narrates.

-- In case you missed it, "Hank" was canceled last week. Airing in its place for the duration of the month are repeats of "Modern Family" (8 p.m., ABC, TV-PG). In tonight's rerun, a lesson about bicycle care gets a bit carried away. On the original episode (9 p.m.), actor Edward Norton guest stars as a rock star who was Phil's idol as a teen. Or at least that's what Claire believes.

TONIGHT'S OTHER HIGHLIGHTS
-- With her vows in tatters, Veronica faces a life-changing possibility on "Mercy" (8 p.m. NBC, TV-14).
-- Gary Sinise narrates Parts 6, 7 and 8 of "WWII in HD" (8 p.m., History, TV-14).
-- Romantic ballads come to the forefront on "Glee" (9 p.m., Fox, TV-14).
-- Rachelle loses her zip on "Living with Ed" (9 p.m., Planet Green).
-- Bobby Flay, Guy Fieri, Danny Boome and Sunny Anderson offer tips on making the most of Thanksgiving leftovers on "Dear Food Network" (9 p.m., Food).
-- Nobody's feelin' groovy after an incident at the 59th St. Bridge on "CSI: NY" (10 p.m., CBS, r, TV-14).
-- Janet Jackson sits down for an interview on "In the Spotlight with Robin Roberts" (10 p.m., ABC).

CULT CHOICE

A journalist (Bing Crosby) fears he's losing his gal (Jane Wyman) to another man in the 1951 comedy "Here Comes the Groom" (10 p.m., Eastern, TCM), directed by Frank Capra.

SERIES NOTES
Richard needs a favor on "The New Adventures of Old Christine" (8 p.m., CBS, TV-14) ... Two go home on "So You Think You Can Dance" (8 p.m., Fox, TV-PG) ... Tyra Banks hosts two helpings of "America's Next Top Model" (8 p.m., CW, TV-PG) ... Gary's feast festers on "Gary Unmarried" (8:30 p.m., CBS, TV-14) ... A scratch turns into a crisis on "The Middle" (8:30 p.m., ABC, TV-PG) ... A killer preys on families on "Criminal Minds" (9 p.m., CBS, TV-14) ... DNA links Benson to a homicide on "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (9 p.m., NBC, TV-14) ... Jules' two best friends share a mutual contempt on "Cougar Town" (9:30 p.m., ABC, TV-14)

LATE NIGHT
Larry the Cable Guy appears on "The Jay Leno Show" (10 p.m., NBC, TV-14) ... Oscar De La Hoya, Bill Engvall and Amerie are scheduled on "Lopez Tonight" (11 p.m., TBS) ... Andrew Ross Sorkin appears on "The Daily Show" (11 p.m., Comedy Central) ... Norah Jones is booked on "The Colbert Report" (11:30 p.m., Comedy Central) ... Robert Pattinson and Ray Davies are booked on "Late Show with David Letterman" (11:35 p.m., CBS) ... Conan O'Brien hosts Seth Green, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt and the Brian Setzer Orchestra on "The Tonight Show" (11:35 p.m., NBC) ... 50 Cent and Marv Albert appear on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" (12:05 a.m., ABC) ... Kristen Stewart chats on "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" (12:35 a.m., NBC) ... Craig Ferguson hosts David Duchovny and Lewis Black on "The Late Late Show" (12:37 a.m., CBS).

Kevin McDonough can be reached at kmcdonough@unitedmedia.com

Copyright 2009, United Feature Syndicate, Inc.

Christmas comes early to 'Madagascar'

The computer-animated gang from a popular film franchise comes to Santa's (Carl Reiner) rescue in "Merry Madagascar" (8 p.m., NBC, TV-PG), the very first holiday special of the too-early-to-be-Christmas season. (For the record, Thanksgiving is still nine days off.)

Look for laughs, a song or two and a heartwarming lesson about putting the spirit of giving before your own desires. The humor ranges from slapstick to adult jokes designed to sail over the heads of the tots. In one scene, a Santa-obsessed child expresses excitement with a term better known to fashionable Hollywood Buddhists.
As a non-follower of the "Madagascar" franchise, "Merry" is interesting to me as an example of how movie promotion can swallow up all other aspects of entertainment.

The virtue of a sequel or sequel-izable property -- be it "Ice Age," "Toy Story," "Saw" or "The Godfather" -- is that you don't have to sell the idea for the movie more than once. The franchise title is the marketing, and one supposes the audience knows what it's getting.

But with "Merry," it seems the "Madagascar"-makers have also dispensed with character development. There's no apparent distinction between the Lion and the Zebra except that one clearly has the voice of Ben Stiller and the other, Chris Rock. They're ruthlessly efficient wisecrack-dispensing devices, but I wouldn't call them characters.

-- Tim Gunn may have departed the NBC-Universal stable when "Project Runway" ran off to Lifetime, but he returns to the fold tonight for the makeover episode of "The Biggest Loser" (8:30 p.m., NBC, TV-PG). He'll be joined by Tabatha Coffey, the host of Bravo's "Tabatha's Salon Takeover," and the band OneRepublic, who appear in a segment highlighting hunger awareness.

-- Heather Locklear returns to her old show and her role on "Melrose Place" (9 p.m., CW, TV-14,L,V).

-- "Independent Lens" (10 p.m., PBS, check local listings) presents "No Subtitles Necessary," a joint profile of Laszlo Kovacs and Vilmos Zsigmond, who both escaped Hungary after the 1956 Soviet invasion and became two of Hollywood's most sought-after cinematographers, shooting groundbreaking movies including "Easy Rider," "Five Easy Pieces," "Deliverance," "Paper Moon" and "Close Encounters of the Third Kind."

DVDs available today include "Farscape" Seasons 1 through 4, and "Farscape: The Complete Series Megaset."

TONIGHT'S OTHER HIGHLIGHTS
-- Homo sapiens emerge on "Becoming Human," the third of a three-part "Nova" (8 p.m., PBS, check local listings) look at human evolution.
-- A special group of 100 Visitors receive diplomatic visas on "V" (8 p.m., ABC, TV-14).
-- Six feels beside himself (8 p.m.) and faces the ultimate test in the concluding episodes of the six-part miniseries "The Prisoner" (AMC, TV-14).
-- Gary Sinise narrates Parts 4 through 6 of "WWII in HD" (8 p.m., History).
-- A marine's murder may be linked to a violent militia group on "NCIS: Los Angeles" (9 p.m., CBS, TV-14).
-- "Frontline" (9 p.m., PBS, check local listings) profiles Neda Soltani, the young woman shot to death during the anti-regime protests resulting from Iran's disputed presidential election.
-- Peter distracts Alicia from an arson case on "The Good Wife" (10 p.m., CBS, TV-14).
-- A victim's identity may be key to releasing a wrongly imprisoned man on "The Forgotten" (10 p.m., ABC, TV-14).
-- Opie has mixed emotions on "Sons of Anarchy" (10 p.m., FX, TV-MA).
-- Barbara Walters interviews former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin on "Nightline" (11:35 p.m., ABC), a conversation that continues on Friday's "20/20."

CULT CHOICE
Henry Fonda defies typecasting, playing a heartless gunslinger in director Sergio Leone's 1968 anti-Western "Once Upon a Time in the West" (8 p.m., Eastern, TCM, TV-14).

SERIES NOTES
An officer's robbery attempt results in his death and a power outage on "NCIS" (8 p.m., CBS, TV-14) ... The top 14 perform on "So You Think You Can Dance" (8 p.m., Fox, TV-PG) ... Kelly has a lot on her mind on "90210" (8 p.m., CW, TV-14,L,V) ... Eviction notices arrive on "Dancing with the Stars" (9 p.m., ABC, TV-PG).

LATE NIGHT
Tyra Banks appears on "The Jay Leno Show" (10 p.m., NBC, TV-14) ... Andy Garcia, Alexis Bellino, Tamra Barney and Justin Bieber are scheduled on "Lopez Tonight" (11 p.m., TBS) ... Malcolm Gladwell appears on "The Colbert Report" (11:30 p.m., Comedy Central) ... Penelope Cruz and The Script are booked on "Late Show with David Letterman" (11:35 p.m., CBS) ... Conan O'Brien hosts Jane Lynch and 50 Cent on "The Tonight Show" (11:35 p.m., NBC) ... John Stamos, Emily VanCamp and OneRepublic appear on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" (12:05 a.m., ABC) ... Cheech and Chong and Neko Case chat on "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" (12:35 a.m., NBC) ... Craig Ferguson hosts Woody Harrelson and Joe Theismann on "The Late Late Show" (12:37 a.m., CBS).

Kevin McDonough can be reached at kmcdonough@unitedmedia.com

Copyright 2009, United Feature Syndicate, Inc.

This 'Chef Academy' cooks on a low flame

There was a time when it was enough for a chef to be recognized for the quality of his food and the popularity of his restaurants. But now we live in an era when a man can be designated as "the World's Sexiest Chef." And Jean Christophe Novelli is that man. He's also the star and French-accented judge, jury and executioner on a new series called "Chef Academy" (11 p.m., Bravo).

"Academy" has been put on a low-testosterone diet. Don't go looking for the aggressive outbursts of Gordon Ramsay or ugly prima donna behavior from Novelli's students.

The amateurs here are just that. Only one has risen as high as an assistant chef. One man has been a Navy cook on a submarine for nine years. At least three call themselves housewives who simply want to do a better job in the kitchen and bring passion to their family dinners. The oldest of the group is a woman who appears to have spent too many of her 47 years in the warm California sun. But this Valerie Perrine lookalike also has a few tricks up her apron.

While a few participants see this as a validation that may bring them professional advancement, "Academy" has a refreshing lack of cut-throat competition. The students actually seem to support each other. Even the elimination process seems more laid-back. You get three chances to fail before the chef shows you the door.
For all of his Gallic posturing, Novelli, accompanied by his abundantly pregnant British wife, seems determined to behave like a human being. Like many Frenchmen, he has a decidedly eccentric take on American popular culture. When he expresses his dream to see "Hollywood's biggest star," it turns out he just can't wait to meet the man who played Detective Colombo.

-- E! hitches its wagon to the "Twilight/New Moon" hype wagon with "10 Vampires We Love" (10:30 p.m., E!). Hey kids, don't forget Count Chocula!

TONIGHT'S OTHER HIGHLIGHTS

-- Members of the band Bon Jovi appear on the 16th season premiere of "Inside the Actor's Studio" (7 p.m., Bravo) hosted by James Lipton.
-- Samuel wants to be all he can be on "Heroes" (8 p.m., NBC, TV-14).
-- House returns to the fold and game-playing resumes on "House" (8 p.m., Fox, TV-14,V).
-- "Dancing with the Stars" (8 p.m., ABC) continues.
-- Gary Sinise narrates "WWII in HD" (8 p.m. through 11 p.m., History), airing nightly through Thursday.
-- Six goes on a mission for Two (8 p.m.) and meets a familiar face (9 p.m.,) as the six-part miniseries "The Prisoner" (AMC, TV-14) continues.
-- A sea-going wedding ceremony turns tragic on "Trauma" (9 p.m., NBC, TV-14).
-- A teen needs to recover long-buried memories on "Lie to Me" (9 p.m., Fox, TV-14,V).
-- "American Experience" (9 p.m., PBS, check local listings) continues its look at the 1930s with "Surviving the Dust Bowl," a documentary from 1999. Liev Schreiber narrates.
-- Filmmakers follow four young Iranian women who have escaped from abusive homes in the documentary "The Glass House" (9 p.m., Sundance), making its American TV debut.
-- An investigation into a highway pileup reveals the mixed motivations of the victims and drivers on "CSI: Miami" (10 p.m., CBS, TV-14,V).
-- A district attorney's murder opens a window on a world of escorts on "Castle" (10 p.m., ABC, TV-PG).

CULT CHOICE

An all-girl rock band blazes a trail through Hollywood in the 1970 spoof "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" (10:05 p.m., IFC, TV-MA), directed by Russ Meyer and written by future critic Roger Ebert.

SERIES NOTES
Barney rebounds on "How I Met Your Mother" (8 p.m., CBS, TV-PG) ... The last straw on "One Tree Hill" (8 p.m., CW, TV-14) ... Billie makes Zack jealous on "Accidentally on Purpose" (8:30 p.m., CBS, TV-PG) ... Chelsea needs company on "Two and a Half Men" (9 p.m., CBS, TV-14,D) ... Lady Gaga performs on "Gossip Girl" (9 p.m., CW, TV-14) ... Sheldon rescues Penny on "The Big Bang Theory" (9:30 p.m., CBS, TV-PG,D).

LATE NIGHT
Taylor Lautner and Heather Locklear appear on "The Jay Leno Show" (10 p.m., NBC, TV-14) ... Charlie Sheen, Demi Lovato and Slash are scheduled on "Lopez Tonight" (11 p.m., TBS) ... Paul Goldberger appears "The Colbert Report" (11:30 p.m., Comedy Central) ... Sharon Stone and Seth Meyers is booked on "Late Show with David Letterman" (11:35 p.m., CBS) ... Conan O'Brien hosts Kristen Stewart, Judd Apatow and Carrie Underwood on "The Tonight Show" (11:35 p.m., NBC) ... Tim McGraw, Anna Torv and Josh Capon chat on "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" (12:35 a.m., NBC) ... Craig Ferguson hosts LL Cool J and Mindy Kaling on "The Late, Late Show" (12:37 a.m., CBS).

Kevin McDonough can be reached at kmcdonough@unitedmedia.com

Copyright 2009, United Feature Syndicate, Inc.